Saturday, December 17, 2011

Because I could not stop for death/he kindly stopped for me

I've been going through his closet, and trying on his clothes. I put them back and close the door.


A knock on my door nights ago.

The man called "Van Helsing", the Brian no more was at my doorstep.

The overweight hulk with his face his eyes under the fucking fedora and the fucking leather jacket who does he think he is fucking neo or somethin? Bullshit. Fucking Bullshit. Fuck fhcuk fuck fuclk=ing bullshit! I

"Rachael, open the door." he said, his voice the same if deeper and sadder.

My eyes widened. Did he remember? How much did he remember? Did he...

"Fuck you Hellsing! Go away." There's no way. He couldn't have. He's dead. He was a shell of a man.


"What?" I tore the door open "What is it? You remember my name now?"

"Rachael..." There were tears in his fat fucking eyes, like he was struggling with something long ignored, long forgotten. "I, I know you."

"Of course you do you fat fuck, you know me. YOU KNEW ME!" i  looked into his face and Brian looked into the eyes of his lover his wife

and he ran into the night like a squirrel hunted by a hawk not seen but sensed in the sky far above.

Rachael sank to the floor of her doorway and she wept for hours until there were no more tears. She wept for Konaa, for Schrodinger, for Maurice and for Brian, and Rachael. 

When the tears were gone she  curled up in his closet with Maurice's swtichblade and flicked it in and out, staring at the blade. she disrobed and looked at herself in his mirror, staring at the cuts all along her arms, her legs, her sides.

she went through Brian's closet and tried on all of his clothes. She wore them and smelt them

even after all these years he still smells the same



  1. Oh fuck, Rach. Maybe. Maybe he'll remember. Maybe he'll come back. Don't give up hope.

  2. She's right. Don't give up hope. What you should do is name that switchblade after it and watch as it goes blunt. Heh.

    The same comment you gave me returns Rachael. How long until you all just...tear?

  3. @Elaine: He's been around me for a year. I...

    if I held any hope, they've been long dashed.

    And what good man would want

    someone like me?


    I think I've torn already. Maurice isn't in my head the way he used to be. If he ever was. I don't know. Rachael is all there is right now. Rachael and her masks.

  4. He's been around you for a year, despite constantly claiming to be the wanderer type.

    He could leave any time he wants to, but something always holds him near to you, though he may not know what it is.

    Maybe he'll never know. Maybe he will. But that something is what binds him to you, Rachel. That something is what proves how much Brian loved you, and it proves how much you mean to him even when he can't remember you.

    It's proof that he loves you, and it's proof that you're worth loving. Always.

  5. Ryuu's right.

    Also, fuck, Rach. If I can find someone to care about me, certainly someone who's loved you as long and as well as he has would want you no matter what. You're amazing, never doubt that.