I haven't had the courage to talk about this part of my life, but I cannot hide who I am from you. Not anymore. I have to take the good with the bad. Rachael is who I am.

---------------------------


Brian was safe. I loved and hated that about him. Nothing changed about him. He was stable.

But Maurice...


Maurice would be painting one week, the next burning everything he painted. He'd have a stack of old-world philosophy tomes the next week and the week after that smoking out back with the stoners, or throwing rocks at cars with the chavs.

Even in our little town, there were stoners and chavs. I never even knew about that until I was much older. Maurice never let me into that part of his world, and I never ventured there.

My days were spent studying, being with Brian, acting with Maurice, and reading. Sometimes I wrote poems, sometimes I drew.

I...I think it's important to note I was still a virgin at this point. Brian never asked or pressured and...I wasnt about to, you know, ask him or anything oh god this is so embarrassing



I remember one day after practice, Maurice was driving me home.

He said so many things, and then

he had me

I couldn't look Brian in the eye

and Maurice had me again and again

until finally I broke up with Brian on fourth of July

months after.

We never told him but he knew he was devestated.

And one night on the way out of the door after practice to where Maurice's car was waiting

Brain was punching him kicked him stomping him and Maurice was not resisting

until Brian slumped over against his car and started sobbing

and Maurice held him gently.

he never held me that gently Brian's crying face between his two hands-

I ran away at this point I dont know what happened next I DONT WANT TO KNOW but they forgave each other. Brian had a few girlfriends in this time but they never lasted long.

And we graduated.

And Maurice had a gleam in his eye.

A plan, a holy mission.

To make us stars.

"We'll go to New York. Chelsea. All the artists go there. We can pool our money, get an apartment. Brian will be tech, I'll act, and Rachael." He gazed at me, that captivating gaze that lingers, lingers in your stomach for hours. "You can write the plays."

We left within the week. Maurice had captivated us both.

I loved him like a god.